


Destroy The Japanese

by con_kamski



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Comedy, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-10 21:45:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11700489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/con_kamski/pseuds/con_kamski
Summary: click if u want a quick laugh with a fic that's as ridiculous as dan and phil





	Destroy The Japanese

The little fairy lights twinkled in the dimness of Dan’s room, delicately flushing his skin with greens, reds, purples and other shades. Evening, as it seemed, had painted the sky red and blue outside the window. The street was as busy as a bee's nest, hammering honks and bustling bus noises into the corpse that laid limply on the chequered bed. The friction of tires against concrete wasn't "harmonic" as many movies made it seem, with their twisted romanticised version of what a city is... It was just faintly annoying, like white noise in an old TV; one that got louder the more you payed attention to it. He thumbed at his phone, reading another "phanfic" about him and his best friend... It’s not like he was busy or anything, and he wanted to do nothing at all. He opened his private wattpad account, and leafed through his favourites so far...  
  
"Heh, this is my life I guess." He rubbed his face with his wrist, shifting on the covers until he let himself drop and become one with the rug.  
"Uuuggggghhhhhh faaaack..." He said in an Irish accent, for no reason in particular. Maybe watching Jacksepticeye's Dream Daddy play-through made him Irish. That's his cue to stop... stalking other people...  
  
Tangent.  
  
They weren't right. Dan wasn't dreamy, or sensitive. Well, he WAS sensitive but, not that much... He wasn't strong to stand against bullies... But he wasn't a flower than bent over a gust of wind either! That's a bag of bull right there. Phil wasn't dreamy either! "Where the hell did they get that from, ugh..." He shook his head, giggling at the idea of Phil being his knight in shining armour. He guessed if Phil had a sword and sat on a horse, he'd decapitate Dan while running towards him, and somehow stab himself and the horse in one swing. There were no two ways about this. "He sure will, that failed floppydingdo-- uhh," he coughed. Phil was right, he should stop saying floppydingdong.  
  
Christ.  
  
He dragged himself off the floor, and it felt like he'd gained a couple pounds. It was harder to get up all of a sudden. He crawled out of his room like a crocodile, oddly feeling like he wants some company. He'd just poked his face out the door, when he saw Phil doing the same just across from him. Except, standing, like a normal person. They stared at each other for a while. Dan with his face near the floor and Phil looking down at him with a cup of coffee.  
  
Phil did not acknowledge Dan’s queer antics. ‘Should I be insulted?’ He wondered. His friend broke the silence.  
  
"I was just out wondering... Wanna battle to the death at Mariokart?" He tilted his head and smiled a shark-smile, and oh it was SO on.  
  
"...Lead the way, Lester." He met him with a sly smile, feeling the competitive stench all around them. Phil skipped into the hallway, like a dog sniffing a treat in someone's pocket, Dan supposed.  
  
He will destroy his ass.  
  
"I will destroy your ass." Dan said, just noticing how weird that must have sounded.  
  
"Not if I do it first!" Phil chimed in, also regretting it right after he said it. They shared an awkward glance as they stepped into the gaming room, and burst out laughing like idiots. Because, Dan figured, they were a pair of idiots.  
  
Phil dropped onto his chair, making it squeak dangerously. It will probably break in the next few days. "I don't think ass destroying is legal... unless it's consensual? I don't know!"  
  
"Let’s not go there, Phil."  
  
"Agreed."  
  
They switched on the game, hearing the familiar 'Mariokart eeiiiigghhhtt!' pop from the screen and Phil's mouth. He wasn't too pressured; he knew he could destroy Phil at Mariokart any day, they both knew it.

He WAS a massive dick on that game after all. Oh the sweet taste of victory... Followed by the saltiness in the air emitting from the chair besides him...  
  
He honestly can't wait to slay noob peasants from around the globe.  
  
“Oooh, this room is full of Japanese people.” Phil frowned, pressing his lips together, like he’s not sure what to make of the screen. He looked at Dan, who gave him a confident grin.  
  
“Ha. But, are they DAN AND PHIL good?” He winked. Phil couldn’t help but evilly grin at that.  
  
“There’s no such thing.”  
  
The game was on.  
  


* * *

  
“Right, so… I won. Every time.” Dan was waving his eyebrows at a very distressed Phil.  
  
“How cou—Wha—Ugh! I can’t believe… I HAD A BULLET!” He pushed Dan’s chair aside, and kept pushing it as Dan laughed and failed to balance on his chair.  
  
He fell on his face.  
  
“Ouff—What did you do that for?! You mad bruh?” He bared his teeth in indignation from his place on the floor, taking too long to get up on his feet.  
  
“It’s not fair! I had better items!”  
  
“You were in the item cluster-fuck zone!”  
  
“YOU’RE EVIL.”  
  
“MUAHAHAHAH!” He jumped on his feet, and started doing the sexy end screen dance. He’ll never admit it, but thrusting his hips to annoy Phil was one of the reasons he’s still alive.  
  
“Stop that, ugh!” Phil launched from his chair, clutching Dan’s hips into place. His nails dug into the flesh under Dan’s sweatpants, making him flinch and pull away.  
  
“Ah, sorry!” Phil jerked away as well, but didn’t balance too well on his foot, and fell backwards under their gaming table. He knocked his back against the leg of the desk, making Dan’s phone fall off the edge as well. His screen flashed suddenly, but it wasn’t locked. Dan had the bad habit of never turning off his phone…  
  
He couldn’t help but read off the screen. ‘…forever. He held me closer, and I felt his neck…’ Was he reading fanfiction? ‘…no, not like this!” Phil said to me, calming me as I…’  
  
That’s… Interesting. Dan had apparently fallen on the sofa bed opposite to the gaming desk, and had already gotten off to help Phil from under the table.  
  
“Are you okay Phil—Huh? What’re you doing?” He frowned.  
  
“Were you reading fanfiction about us… on your phone?” Phil raised an eyebrow at Dan, whom was sporting a bit of a blush on his cheeks, but was nonetheless not impressed.  
  
“What’s it to you?” He grabbed his phone, leaving Phil under the table. “Don’t snoop in on my stuff again, rude.” He placed it in his pocket and bounced sitting on the sofa bed. Phil had an idea…  
  
“You know, I read fanfiction about us too.” That should ease things for him.  
  
“I know.”  
  
“What?” Phil said, surprised.  
  
Dan rolled his eyes. “You said so in an interview once. I was, you know, there.” Dan faintly remembers when he exposed himself as ‘Phil trash number one.’ It will never escape him.  
  
“Oh.” He didn’t know how to proceed. “Well… I’m just curious you know…” He glanced down, feeling a bit too nervous for his liking. Come on, Phil! What has gotten into you?  
  
“Curious about what?” Dan had no trouble looking at Phil square in the eye, making him more nervous.  
  
“Curious… A-about how it’s like, to be…”  
  
He let it sink in.  
  
“Oh.” Dan was looking down now, feeling quite embarrassed. “I see.”  
  
“Not saying I have a c-crush on you or a-anything! Just that—“  
  
“I get it.” Dan said, a bit too harshly, he thinks. “I have… wondered, too. Just the dating part, not… I don’t have a crush on you either.” He wasn’t looking at Phil anymore, just looking down, disgusted at how cheesy and obvious they are.  
  
“We’re so bad.” Phil sighed sadly.  
  
“We so fucking are.” Dan agreed.  
  
…  
  
And now they’re laughing again. This time, Phil slumps on the sofa bed as he does, putting his left hand on Dan’s right, and tentatively entwining their fingers together. Dan was drowning in cheese already, so he thought it didn’t really matter at this point, did it?  
  
“I’m not sure I can fulfil your mpreg ambitions, Phil.”  
  
“That’s okay, I can fulfil your Daddy kink though.”  
  
Dan gasped in horror. “I don’t have a—“  
  
“It’s okay! Daddy Lester’s got yooouuu!” Phil smiled, biting his tongue.  
  
“STOP. I QUIT.”  
  
The end.


End file.
